thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
