Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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