I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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