tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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