not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
