If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
