Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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