I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
