Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
