Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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