addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We left the knife in your bed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
