I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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