I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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