Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.