At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
