apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence