dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.