I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...