3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...