soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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