so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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