Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
