wrigley field is MILF paradise
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
