I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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