mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
