I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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