she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is wine microwaveable?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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