you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
