We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
