Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
