; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
