You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
