Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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