haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
