he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Cover your peen. We're going out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
