that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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