Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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