I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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