I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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