I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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