She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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