i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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