also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
