it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
