I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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