I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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