I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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