She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My life is pants optional.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
