my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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