i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
