He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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