Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a beard to bite.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
