Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
