hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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