lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
