So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
