my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
