Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
