He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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