my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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