i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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