One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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