There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
