He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
