This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Someone shit on the floor
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
