how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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