Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
