im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
