I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
