i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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