I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
