I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
