I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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