I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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