mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
please don't ironically join a cult
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