wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
