Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
