he wants to bone in the snuggie
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
