My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
