I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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