yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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