I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
