need another drink. this is the easiest way
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
